Why You Need to Accept Your Partner’s Needs

Here is the recipe for success:

  • Communicate that you understand your partner’s need and why it’s important to them

  • Reiterate why tending to this is important to you

  • Be clear on your own boundaries and limits in meeting the need

  • Communicate what your partner can expect from you going forward

  • Check back with your partner that they understand your limits and are ok with them

This is taken from the Gottman-Rapoport Conflict Blueprint for managing conflict in committed relationships.

 

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Compromise: It’s Not What You Think!

But there is an approach that bypasses this Catch-22 that has a surprisingly simple focus. This is to realize that you are not in a struggle with your partner. You are struggling with how to honor two different needs in yourself. 

This change in perspective makes all the difference in the world. If I am “against” you, my focus is on protecting myself. I want what I want. But when I notice that one of the things I want is to make my sweetheart happy, then it’s no longer me against you. It’s me having two “competing” but equally important desires.

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CORE NEED ARTICLE (Please read)