“You’re too sensitive.”
——Don Elium, MFT
It’s a phrase used to dismiss emotions, shut down conversations, or avoid accountability. It can affect emotional well-being in relationships, workplaces, or childhood environments. But what does it mean when someone says this? And how does it affect the brain?
Psychologically, being told you’re too sensitive is a form of emotional invalidation—a response that minimizes or disregards another person's feelings. Neurologically, this invalidation can trigger threat responses in the brain, reinforcing stress patterns that affect emotional regulation, self-perception, and resilience.
The Psychological and Neurological Impact of "You're Too Sensitive"
At its core, the statement “You’re too sensitive” suggests that your emotional response is excessive or unwarranted. However, emotions are not random—they are deeply tied to neurological processing and survival mechanisms. The way we process emotions depends on structures like the amygdala (emotional processing center), the prefrontal cortex (reasoning and regulation), and the insula (body-mind awareness).
Here’s how this phrase affects the brain, depending on the context:
Deflection – The person avoids responsibility for their words or actions. Your brain’s anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which detects social rejection, lights up, signaling distress. This can trigger rumination cycles, where you repeatedly analyze the situation to make sense of it.
Gaslighting – Your emotional reality is distorted, activating the amygdala, which processes threats. Over time, repeated invalidation can alter how the hippocampus (memory center) encodes emotional experiences, making it harder to trust your own reactions.
Power Play – The dismissal of sensitivity keeps emotional control in one person’s hands. This can weaken the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) activity, which is responsible for emotional self-trust, making you more reliant on external validation.
Unconscious Projection – If someone struggles with their emotions, they may suppress them and expect you to do the same. This reflects mirror neuron system dysfunction, where a person fails to recognize and empathize with another’s emotions.
Long-Term Effects on the Nervous System
Being told “you’re too sensitive” can have significant effects on the nervous system, especially if it happens repeatedly:
Increased Amygdala Reactivity – Emotional invalidation increases amygdala activation, making emotional responses more intense over time, not less.
Dysregulated Cortisol Production – Chronic stress from emotional invalidation can keep the body in fight-or-flight mode, leading to exhaustion and heightened emotional reactivity.
Reduced Prefrontal Cortex Function – When emotions are consistently dismissed, the prefrontal cortex—responsible for emotional regulation and problem-solving—becomes less active, making it harder to advocate for yourself.
Heightened Sensory Sensitivity in Neurodivergent Individuals – For those with ADHD or ASD, heightened sensitivity isn’t a personality flaw but a neurological trait. The nervous system processes stimuli differently, leading to stronger emotional and sensory responses that can’t simply be willed away.
How to Respond When Someone Says "You're Too Sensitive"
When someone dismisses your emotions this way, how you respond depends on your goal: to educate, set boundaries, or disengage. The correct response can prevent further neurological stress and reinforce emotional regulation.
1. Name What’s Happening (Prefrontal Cortex Activation)
Naming the dynamic brings the prefrontal cortex into play, shifting the conversation away from an amygdala-driven emotional reaction.
Example:
“I notice you’re focusing on my reaction instead of addressing what I said. Can we talk about what happened?”
This re-engages reasoning, grounding both parties in facts rather than emotional avoidance.
2. Challenge the Premise (Cognitive Reframing and Self-Trust)
Questioning the phrase disrupts the automatic fear response and activates self-trust.
Example:
“What does ‘too sensitive’ mean to you? Are you saying my feelings aren’t valid?”
This helps regulate the insula, which governs self-awareness, making it easier to stand by your emotions.
3. Establish Emotional Boundaries (Regulating the Stress Response)
If someone routinely invalidates you, setting boundaries reduces cortisol spikes and reinforces emotional autonomy.
Example:
“If my emotions make you uncomfortable, that’s okay. But I won’t apologize for feeling them.”
This signals self-regulation to the nervous system, preventing a dysregulated stress response.
4. Exit the Conversation if Necessary (Nervous System Protection)
If the other person is unwilling to engage meaningfully, leaving reduces prolonged amygdala activation, protecting mental health.
Example:
“I don’t think this conversation is going anywhere productive, so I’m going to step away.”
Disengaging prevents emotional flooding, allowing the nervous system to reset.
The Deeper Truth: Sensitivity Is a Neurological Trait, Not a Weakness
Sensitivity is not a flaw—it’s a biological trait. Elaine Aron’s research on Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) shows that about 20% of people have increased neural responsiveness, meaning they process emotions and sensory input more deeply. This is linked to higher insula activation, making HSPs more intuitive, empathetic, and emotionally aware.
In couples therapy, this often happens when one partner expresses emotions while the other dismisses them. Ellyn Bader and John Gottman emphasize that healthy relationships require emotional responsiveness—partners must acknowledge each other’s experiences rather than minimize them.
In trauma research, Bessel van der Kolk has shown that emotional suppression worsens PTSD symptoms. If someone is repeatedly told they are “too sensitive,” their brain learns to override emotions rather than process them, leading to long-term dysregulation.
Final Reality Check
If someone frequently tells you that you’re too sensitive, ask yourself:
What’s their investment in making you believe that?
Are they using it to deflect responsibility?
Are they uncomfortable with emotional depth?
Are they trying to maintain control?
Instead of asking about your emotions, could you ask why they should be silenced?
Sensitivity is not a weakness—it’s a heightened neural response to the world. Strength lies in embracing it and respecting this trait that assists in discerning what is true for you in relation to the world.
Don Elium, MA MFT • 925 256-8282 phone/text • Northern and Southern California TeleHealth Counseling Video sessions • don-elium-psychotherapy.com
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Sources:
1. Emotional Invalidation and Its Psychological Impact:
• Psych Central: What Is Emotional Invalidation? by Brittany Carrico discusses how emotional invalidation can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and distrust in one’s emotions, communicating that inner thoughts and feelings are “wrong.” Repeated exposure may cause individuals to distrust the validity of their personal experiences. https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-you-and-others-invalidate-your-emotional-experience
• Psychology Today How Childhood Invalidation Affects Adult Well-Being by Annie Tanasugarn, Ph.D. highlights that childhood invalidation is linked to later feelings of insecurity, deep depression, and an unstable sense of self-identity. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202207/how-childhood-invalidation-affects-adult-well-being
2. Neurological Basis of Emotions:
• Social Sci LibreTexts The Neurological Bases of Emotions provides an overview of the brain networks and associated neurotransmitters involved in basic emotion/affective systems, emphasizing the connection between brain/body and emotions/affective states. https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Psychology/Biological_Psychology/Biopsychology_(OERI)_-_DRAFT_for_Review/16%3A_Emotion_and_Stress/16.01%3A_The_Neurological_Bases_of_Emotions
3. Neural Structures Involved in Emotional Processing:
• PubMed Central (PMC) The neural basis of emotions varies over time: different regions go with onset- and offset-bound processes underlying emotion intensity details that emotions arise from activations of specialized neuronal populations in several parts of the cerebral cortex, notably the anterior cingulate, insula, ventromedial prefrontal, and subcortical structures such as the amygdala. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5597870/
4. Impact of Emotional Invalidation:
• Psychology Today Recognizing the Pain of Emotional Invalidation By Amy Lewis Bear, MS, LPC discusses how emotional invalidation upsets the power balance in relationships, leading to uncertainty and self-reproach. It can cause individuals to hide their emotions and develop low self-esteem. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/from-charm-to-harm/202205/recognizing-the-pain-of-emotional-invalidation
5. Neurobiological Basis of Affect:
• The neurobiological basis of affect is consistent with psychological construction theory and shares a common neural basis across emotional categories —-Nature Communications explores how the neurobiological basis of affect is characterized by idiosyncratic mechanisms and an everyday neural basis shared across emotion categories. https://www.nature.com/articles/s42003-022-04324-6
6. Neural Basis of Emotions Over Time:
• PubMed Central (PMC) The neural basis of emotions varies over time: different regions go with onset- and offset-bound processes underlying emotion intensity examines how the neural basis of emotions varies over time, with different brain regions associated with the onset and offset of emotional intensity. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5597870/
