UNDERSTANDING

MUST PRECEDE ADVICE

By Kyle Benson, May 24, 2017

https://www.gottman.com/blog/understanding-must-precede-advice/

The opportunity in negative emotions

In every close relationship there is the potential to share all emotions in their raw, ugly beauty, and, through that sharing, the opportunity to connect more deeply with your partner. But, if you grew up similarly to Mike and learned to dismiss or ignore your more difficult emotions, you may not feel comfortable embracing these emotional opportunities for connection.

The problem with dismissing emotions is that when emotions are banished they don’t vanish. As Susan David, Ph.D., says, bottling emotions leads to lower levels of well-being as well as high levels of depression and anxiety. It’s easy to see how this, over time, decreases the quality of your relationship.

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Kyle works in The Love Lab where he nerds out on the science of relationships. When not highlighting research on a Sunday morning in his bathrobe, Kyle enjoys writing for his blog Kylebenson.net where he takes the research on successful relationships and transforms them into practical tools for romantic partners.