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Don Elium Psychotherapy

  • Blog
  • Sessions
    • Individual Sessions
    • Couple Sessions
    • Steps to Start Couple Therapy Video
    • Grief Recovery Sessions
    • EMDR Sessions
  • Articles/Don
  • Indiv-Study
    • Listening to Shame
    • There Is Hope In Resentment
    • Atomic Habits
    • Power of Vulnerablity
    • Boundaries
    • Grief/Trauma Recovery Letter Process
    • Forgiveness and anger
    • When Things Fall Apart
    • Stop Dumb Arguments, before you begin them
    • Cognative Dissonance
    • Spoon theory — for atypical energy levels
    • How Grief Rewires Your Brain
    • Compassion: It is an human instinct
    • Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me (Cognitive Dissonance)
    • BREATHING and anxiety reduction
    • 8 c's
    • Body Based Release
    • When You Feel Shut Down, The Impact
    • Internal Family Systems
    • State Specific Memory
    • 13 Strategies For Overcoming Shame
    • 13 Self-Compassion Phrases
    • Cognitive Dissonance
    • Attention Deficit Disorder
    • The Voices In My Head
    • Difference between Panic Attack and Heart Attack
    • Attachment Injury Trauma Recovery
    • Divorce Recovery
    • Dating and Finding A Partner
    • Meditation & Brain
    • Subconscious Cue Word Procedure
    • Practicing Compassion
    • Psychiatrist Referrals
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples
    • ADHD Explanation
    • What happens when we sleep
    • Grief rewires after losing someone
    • Signs of Autism in Adults
    • ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder
  • Rel-Study
    • Gottman Couple Counseling
    • Personal Plan For Change In Your Relationship
    • 3 Reasons Couple Come to Counseling
    • Emotional and Need Detector
    • Feelings/Needs and Requests
    • Complaint Formula
    • Make Better Bids for Connection
    • Four Horsemen
    • The Four Moves Of Being Heard
    • Couples On The Brink: Leaning Out or In?
    • Emotional Flooding
    • The Emotional Intensity Meter
    • Stonewalling
    • Accepting Influence
    • Window of Tolerance
    • Logical Fallacy Detector
    • Logical Fallacy Analysis
    • The PAUSE sooner
    • Turning Away Example
    • Repair After An Argument
    • How To Complain Without Hurting Your Partner
    • Flexible and Core Needs in Relationship
    • UNSOLVEABLE PROBLEMS: Dreams Within The Conflict
    • How Enduring Vulverablities Are Affecting Your Marriage
    • Perpetual Problems and Solvable Problems
    • Sound House Of Relationship
    • TIMEOUTS for Relationships
    • NVC - Non Violent Communication
    • The CIRCLEBACK
    • Vulnerable and Protective Emotions
    • Gottman Love Lab
    • Online Relationship Checkup
    • WE ARE JUST DIFFERENT PEOPLE!? WHAT CAN I DO!???
    • The Problem With Sincere Transformation
    • Two Kinds of Domestic Violence
    • Self Soothing
    • Shared Meaning
    • State of the Union Check In
    • Couple Development Scale on Differentiation Spectrum
    • Differentiation in Relationships
    • Anger is hot. Contempt is cold.
    • Compassionate Agreements vs. Rules
    • Stop Trying to Fix Your Partner's Feelings
    • Sustained Behavior Change
    • The Five Love Languages
    • How To STOP A FIGHT
    • 3 Common Problems in ALL Relationshpips
    • Second Order Change
    • Five Languages of Apology
    • Gottman 7 Principles Book Summary
    • Hanging Onto To Yourself, and Being Close
    • How To Get The Most Out Of Couples Therapy
    • Why Relationships Are So Hard
    • How You Know You Are In The Green
    • Gottman Couples Counseling Study
    • Emotional Bank Account
    • Verbally Abusiveness in Relationships
    • Gottman Charts
    • Eroticism & Self-Care Plan
    • Are You a Sex Addict? 10 Questions to Ask Yourself
    • Sexual Closeness
    • NEED BASED Conversations - NVC
    • Premarital and Dating
    • 52 questions before moving in
    • Marital Separation
    • Understanding Infidelity & Recovery
    • Infidelity Recovery
    • Love Maps
    • Assess
  • About
  • Policy
  • Sign In My Account
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Blog

Your Emotional Window of Tolerance: How to know when the intensity is too much!

November 8, 2024 Don Elium

The "Window of Tolerance" concept in psychotherapy refers to the optimal zone of arousal intensity where a person can function effectively and respond to stressors healthily, as well as how to identify when one is in overwhelmed zones. It is most commonly associated with trauma work and was first developed by Dr. Dan Siegel. However, in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), this concept is relevant because it ties into emotional regulation, one of DBT's core skills.

Critical Aspects of the "Window of Tolerance" in DBT:

  1. Optimal Zone of Arousal: In this state, a person can manage emotions, think clearly, and make decisions effectively. Within this window, individuals can engage with their feelings without being overwhelmed or shutting down.

  2. Hyperarousal (Fight or Flight): This occurs when a person is pushed out of their tolerance window into a hyperarousal state. They may experience intense anxiety, anger, or panic. In DBT terms, this can lead to emotion dysregulation, impulsive behaviors, or a heightened fight-or-flight response.

  3. Hypoarousal (Freeze or Shut Down): On the other end of the spectrum is hypoarousal, where individuals fall below the window of tolerance and feel emotionally numb, detached, or frozen. In DBT, this state can involve dissociation, avoidance, or a sense of being disconnected from the present moment.

DBT Techniques to Stay Within the Window of Tolerance:

DBT provides specific skills to help individuals stay within or return to their window of tolerance, especially in moments of distress:

  • Mindfulness: Helps individuals stay present and aware of their thoughts and emotions without being overwhelmed.

  • Distress Tolerance: Techniques like distraction, soothing activities, or the "TIPP" skills (Temperature, Intense Exercise, pace breathing, Paired Muscle Relaxation) can help individuals regulate their arousal level.

  • Emotional Regulation: Helps reduce vulnerability to emotional extremes and manage intense feelings in a more balanced way.

  • Interpersonal Effectiveness: Builds skills to manage conflicts and relationships, which can sometimes cause emotional extremes.

By working within the window of tolerance, individuals can learn to manage and process distressing emotions without feeling overwhelmed or disengaged. This is essential for improving overall emotional stability, a key DBT goal. This is also a necessary element of the Gottman Couples Therapy Research in that productive marriage discusses and resolves conflicts in the Emotional Intensity Window of Tolerance.

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