Transcript from Discernment Counseling Video above.
Did you know that studies of marriage therapy almost always removed couples on the brink of divorce from their research samples.
What can we learn from studying only those couples?
This short video describes published research findings on the first 100 cases of a service called discernment counseling.
It's a short term one to five sessions structured approach to helping married couples where one is seriously considering divorce and is ambivalent about couples therapy, and the other spouse wants to save the marriage.
There is currently no other in research informed standard for working with these couples.
The goals in discerment counseling are greater clarity and confidence about a direction for the marriage based on a deeper understanding of what's happened to the marriage and each person's contributions to the problems.
So what happened to our first 100 couples?
But before we present the findings, but keep in mind that these couples were far worse off shown by marital dissatisfaction scores than the typical couples showing up for marriage counseling.
Discernment counseling helps couples choose one of three paths, so that is the main outcome we tracked in the study.
We will also share what happened at follow up an average of two years later.
Path one is just stay the course, neither divorcing nor getting help for the marriage.
About 12% of couples ended up on this path.
In our follow up two years later, 30% of these couples were divorced, 16% were reconciled, and the rest were on hold. Path two is pursuing separation or divorce. 41% of couples chose this path in our follow up, 90% were divorced three couples were on hold with their decision.
Path three is work on reconciliation with an all-out effort in couples therapy for at least six months, with divorce off the table for that time. 47% of couples chose this path, and our follow up, 42% of them were reconciled or still pursuing reconciliation, 45% had divorced or were in the process and 13% were on hold.
One bottom line from this study, more than 40% of these high risk couples who tried reconciliation after discernment counseling did succeed.
What about those who divorced?
Since the goals in discerment counseling are more clarity and confidence about a direction for the marriage based on learning about self and the relationship, divorce is not a failure if the couple learned about their relationship and came to a conclusion about the future that they could both live with, particularly as their parents.
It's great when couples can work out their marital problems, but we also believe that divorce can be a more peaceful, constructive experience when both people are clear on what happened to the marriage and have a shared narrative about why it's ending.
