Connectedness IFS Self-Awareness-Energy Element
As we increasingly embody Self-Awareness, we will feel a growing sense of connected to all the Selves around us. Since it seems to be the nature of Self-Awareness to want to strengthen all those connections, people often find themselves spending more time with others in whom they can sense Self-Awareness. Correspondingly, they often drop relationships and activities that take them further from sensing those connections.
Lamott’s last line above, “And that moment is home,” also applies to what you feel when you make a Self-Awareness to Self-Awareness connection with someone. There is the thirst-quenching sense of finally meeting someone who knows who you really are. There is also the relief of being able to drop the heavy masks with which we try to impress or hid from one another and instead to allow the light of our Self-Awareness to shine. Author Joan Borysenko (1999) describes a Self-Awareness to Self-Awareness experience she had with a man she had gotten to know who was dying of AIDS. After a rambling conversation,
Sam looks into my eyes, “I have never felt more peaceful, more safe.” I am weeping, safe also is the larger sense of “Self-Awareness, the spiritual self. Sam holds my hands, says something to the effect of how my children must love me, how luck they are. I stumble over words, know that he has caught a glimpse of something inside of me that is not usually available, even to the people I love themes. It is the relationship between us that has lifted the bushel off the Light. I am my Self only because he is his own Self in this moment. The chatter and doubts and rumination of ego are gone. We have seen the God in one another. Neither of us cares how we look, how clever our words are. We don’t even care if the world ends here and now. We are whole and the story is told. Our lives have had purpose and meaning in this one precious moment. (pp. 164-165)
These sacred, memorable moments are far too rare for most of us. For the Self-Awareness-Energy Led person, however, such connections are not only desired, they are also more possible. This is because Self-Awareness-Energy is one person is a magnet for Self-Awareness-Energy in another. Perhaps a tuning fork is a better metaphor. When you are in Self-Awareness-Energy, the vibrations will set off the other’s Self-Energy. When in the presence of Self-Awareness-Energy in someone else, your defenses relax as you sense that you won’t be judged or controlled, and your own Self-Awareness-Energy naturally arise. Since you are not as afraid of getting hurt, Self-Awareness-Energy to Self-Awareness-Energy connections are more possible because you have confidence that you can quickly repair any damage from rejections.
In addition to increasing your connectedness to other people and to your parts (horizontal connectedness), you are likely to feel increased connection to the oneness of the universe of nature. I find that people begin to feel more vertically connected to Spirit and the Earth as their parts relax and their Self-Awareness-Energy is released, and they are drawn to activities and people that further open those doors. The words of eminent neuroscientist Franciso Varela (quoted in Jaworski, 1996, pp. 189-190) capture this state of connectedness:
When we are in touch with our “open nature,” our emptiness, we exert an enormous attraction to other human beings . . . And if others are in the same space or entering it, they resonate with us and immediately doors are open to us . . . This state — where we connect deeply with others and doors open — is there waiting for us. It is like an optical illusion. All we have to do is squint and see that it has been there all along, waiting for us. All we have to do is see the oneness that we are.
—Internal Family Systems Model, Dick Schwartz , pp. 46-48
1. the state of feeling a part of a larger entity such as a partnership, team, community, or organization
2. a connection to a meaningful purpose or a higher calling above the circumstances of daily life
3. to be in a relationship with someone who truly knows and accepts you for who you really are
4. to be able to relax your defenses with others as you know that you won’t be judged or controlled and are not afraid of getting hurt because you have confidence that you can repair any damage or misunderstandings that may occur